Tomorrow is July 4th, the day we in America celebrate our independence. Some of you will spend the day with friends and family. You’ll stand around in the hot sun, maybe with an even hotter grill right next to you. You’ll make awkward small talk with that one neighbor who a weird story about Tom Hanks you’re sure isn’t true. Lots of screaming kids will be around, too. Fireworks will go off just after sunset, and you’ll make your way back home. You’ll feel bloated from the seven hot dogs you ate, and a little too tipsy from the ten drinks you had.
That can be your day. Or you can spend it in the airconditioned heaven of your home. You can close the curtains, turn off the lights, and power up your favorite game system. You can spend the day celebrating America the way America deserves to be celebrated, by taking pixelated enemies of our wonderful country!
Here, to help you out, are some of the greatest, most American video games ever made.
Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja
Usually just called Bad Dudes, this game is pure 1980s Americana. Two street brawlers – aka Bad Dudes – are brought in to save President Ronnie after the beloved leader of the free world is kidnapped by the evil DragonNinja. Depending on what version of the game you have, your ending may be different! Do you get to eat burgers with President Ronnie, or do Blade and Striker hang out next to a statue of themselves hoping to get noticed by the locals? The only way to find out is to play the game!
Released as Green Beret around the rest of the world, this side-scrolling stab -and-shoot-em-up is best known as Rush‘n Attack here in the states. Taking cues from the Cold War, this game has you playing an unstoppable US soldier making his way through a Russia, killing as many Commies as he can. How tough is the playable character? He only brings a knife on this mission! Even the Bad Dudes have respect for this guy!
Grand Theft Auto V
The GTA series doesn’t exactly show the best side of America, but it sure does capture a lot of what being American is all about. In GTA V you play as three different characters, with each one representing a common American stereotype. The game, like the series, is all about excess, celebrity, and dark humor. Make sure the kids are watching the fireworks when you play this one.
Created by MECC for the Learning Company, this classic game was the best thing about going to school in the 70s and 80s. Along with helping all of us kids learn just how depressing the world could be – nothing like watching your children die of starvation because nine-year-old you was terrible at typing – Oregon Trail also taught us all about the true history of the game’s namesake. To be honest, if you learned about the real Oregon Trail from this game, you probably didn’t really learn anything.
And you died of dysentery.
Narc was, in theory, a game about how drugs are ruining America. To show how bad drugs are, you and a pal get to play as Max Force and Hit Man, two tough as nails guys who are sent out to take down Mr. Big, the world’s worst drug lord.
Throughout the game, you straight up decimate every junkie, drug dealer, and crazy clown you see. When we say decimate, we mean decimate – when you kill people in this game, they explode into bloody body parts. Oh, and Mr. Big is literally a giant head.
What are your favorite patriotic games? Let us know on Facebook!